Escape from the Things (OR Why you should let your kids sleep with the lights on) - Bonnie Amanda Gardner

I told you once about the 'Things'---they drive me so insane.
The demons, the goblins, the hideous hulks...They're causing me such pain.
The light comes on; they vanish away; I hear the Queen Beast yell,
"TURN IT BACK OFF!"  My mother storms in, striking fear in my every cell.
"The 'Things!' The 'Things!' The HORRIBLE 'THINGS!'  Those creatures are driving me nuts!
I cannot sleep with them prowling like that! I'm not just being a putz!"
Mom groans an angry groan and storms back out the door again.
I'm thinking "They're gone! The 'Things' are all gone!"  and begin to rejoice,
but then...

A thundering step echoes in the hall---In the doorway my Daddy appears.
"SPEAK UP!" he yells, and I begin to beg through terrified tears.
"The creepers!  The Crawlers!  And all else that follers!  I'm telling the truth to you, Dad!
The goo-dripping ghouls and whatsits with wings...they really are driving me mad!"
In a rage, he slams down the switch, and jerks out every light.
Never in my short little life have I ever received such a fright.

"I'll tell you what, these 'Things' have GOT to be more tolerable than
Waking to see the lights on every night, despite the nine o'clock ban!"
"But Dad, the Queen Beast with her stinky green slime comes out when the lights aren't on,
And she and the devils and beasties so many torment me till the dawn!"

I run from the room, a huge hairy fist he slams into the wall.
I cower and cry in a half-empty linen closet in the hall.
I slam the door, turn on the light, and in a corner sit,
Wishing that I was old enough to just pack my bags and split.
"I'm sorry, my Daddy, but now they will get you, and torture you through the night.
You really should have listened to me...I TOLD you I was right."
There in the dark of my little room, my daddy sits on my bed
Wondering why I'm seeing these 'Things' and if I've no brain in my head.

With a puff of green smoke, the Queen Beast appears, and she looks quite indignant.
"Now the lights are all gone, you've nowhere to go...Do you really still think I'm a figment?
Oh, Daddy, don't cry, for I'll tell you why....Without YOU it would be the girl.
And to be quite honest, the flesh of the young really makes me want to hurl?
Now come out, you monsters and phantoms and ghosts, tie him up nice and tight.
We don't want him getting away, you know...we're having a FEAST tonight!
You see you old dot, what the little girl thought really just wasn't true.
We were waiting for you to come and save her, 'cuz we were after YOU!"

I'm sorry this talk I told you, Daddy's fate so ghastly and grim,
But I'm glad that he's gone, 'cuz we moved to Taiwan while The 'Things' were still fat off of him.